Turn around, I’m changing

[mood] dark
[song of the day] I Just Want To Live – Good Charlotte

I thought that I would never, ever post this rant letter. But apparently, things are bound to happen again. And this calls for a rant post. Sis Karen, sana hindi ka matakot.

“…alam mo yung feeling na pinabibihis ka ng damit,
pero andun pa rin sila at nanonood
kung paano ka magpapalit?”
-moi,
convo with Arashijo.

— 

July 14, 2006
Letter No. 2

I am not perfect. I can try to change, but I can’t do it overnight.

Newsflash? I AM trying. If that isn’t enough for you, then it’s either I may not be trying hard enough, or I’ll just never be able to meet your expectations. I am just an ordinary person trying to excel so cut me some slack and give me some credit.

The bullshit thing about trying sometime is that it hardly gets recognized. I’m not some attention-whore who would love to hear praises about the work I’ve done. What I just need is some consideration.

You guys always say that I lack the trait. Well newsflash numero dos, maybe I am not the only one? Maybe it should work both ways? If I may be so bold to say so, I’ve obediently followed every f***ing directions you’ve given me. And you’ve known that I’ve regretted some of those times. But I’m done with regretting how I usually blamed myself in the past. Which is why I don’t like getting blamed for something “where I apparently didn’t try hard enough.”

Maybe I’m not just the person you thought me to be.

Let me grow alone sometimes: I do need the space.

Like a tree, I need my space. Let me branch out, let my roots grab hold on to the soil, let the fruits I bear reach the prime without getting poked at ever so often.

You should know by now that I’m a sensitive little tree and my fruits bruise easily.

—–

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6 Comments »

  1. stayz Said:

    Mitch, I know everything’s f*cked up right now..I don’t know how I can be of help..yan din sinabi ko sayo sa ym..well, what I can do right now is to listen to you..tagal mo magreply sa ym ha..*hugs*

  2. Michiko Said:

    Thanks stayz. Hay naku. Really. Sometimes I just think of moving out na rin pero hindi ko pa kaya eh. Besides, tatlo na nga lang kami, hiwahiwalay pa. Haaaay.

  3. KV Said:

    Hang in there, sis…

  4. kalaro Said:

    alam mo sis, rents are not rents if they don’t expect “dazzling heights” from their kids. lalo na sa sitwasyon natin… kung nagkataong madami dami silang anak, siyempre they can expect one thing for each child, e tayo… lahat, SOLID saten babagsak. but… the great thing about their expectations is that, it drives you to be better, one way or the other. it’s all a matter of perspective. will you feel sad that they make you feel dumb, or will you try harder to prove them worng – even if it meant they will expect more after that. it’s actually a vicious cycle.

    am in that kind of slumber now too, yknow. especially with my status at work and the multiple rejections from various job interviews… you feel you’re such a failure, but at the same time you know you’re actually doing everything and giving your all…. sigh.

    sis, i’ll just email you one time with more insights and lamentations. we can get through. TAYO PA?!

  5. Michiko Said:

    @ kalaro: Sis tenchu! Your comment meant a lot kasi I know we’re somewhat on the same boat. Nakakapagod lang kasi minsan sis. Hay. Pero siempre, you’re right on the account that it make us strive harder. Mwahugz.

    Btw, i called you up kahapon. Hehe, sleeping ka raw ng mga 4pm =P Was hoping to get a word from you rin kasi nga I heard something about your work. Talk tayo soon ha? Thanks again, sis.

    @ KV: thanks for the testimonial sis. Awww.. *hugz*

  6. KV Said:

    You’re welcome, sis 🙂 Wala lang, senti-ness overcame me while I was writing that for you :p


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