On The Other Side

“Someone just told me the grass is much greener on the other side…”

This is the first line of the opening song of Nickelodeon’s As Told by Ginger. The line just popped into my head as soon as the thought of smoking came up on my mind.

Twilight Zone: The What If Series Part 16 (but I may have lost count already)

I do not smoke and I think I never will. But just a while ago, I could clearly see in my mind’s eye an image of me skipping down five flights of stairs just to go to the tent just outside the office building. I saw myself pocketing my hands in search of something. Ah, a lighter and a stick. I saw in my mind’s eye that I had wanted to smoke alone. And if I did, I knew that I’d probably look up and expect a multitude of stars to greet my wary eyes. Then I’d probably let my eyes follow the direction of the smoke that would come out of my mouth. I’d probably tap my slippers against the concrete floor to the tune of something unrecognizable. I’d probably let my thoughts wander off for the time being and just let the city night embrace me.

I’d wanted the world to stop while I take my time puffing a precious cig.

Nothing surprising here. It only seemed natural for anyone to ponder what it’s like to do something that you do not usually do. My friends in college knew that I’m not really fond of having them smoke when I’m with them. I send my dad out of the house and out of the gates whenever I catch him lighting up one. But sometime later, I found myself asking my officemates if they wanted a yosi break. Right now, I still don’t have a solid stand if I like having people smoke within my radius.

I’m never good at explaining things. Confusion always leads me to be mum about certain things. But I’ll still try to get a point across: the simple thought of me smoking had summed up the scattered feelings I have for the past few weeks. Me, smoke? Far-fetched. So why can I see it so clearly that I had secretly enjoyed that little puff?

“And I paid a visit; well it’s possible I missed it…”

I haven’t checked out the other side yet. But I do half-wish that I was someone else sometimes. Or that I could be something else. I knew that there had to be a reason why I love writing stories so much. This is where I could create mini versions of myself. Me as someone with an older brother whom I bicker with. Me as someone who finishes a short story in less than a year. Me as someone who is unscrupulously clean (yeah, it’s an oxymoron, I know—but I rather have an aversion to super clean areas; I’m rather comfortable with a little disorderliness about some things. Being too clean is rather, er, sinful, if you get my drift). And finally, me as someone who smokes. Maybe it’s just me wondering how it’s like to deviate from conventions. And it’s not our culture’s conventions that I’m talking about but mine. My conventions. If you must know, it really ticks me off when I start to question my beliefs and principles. This might have been the reasons why I don’t find a reason to explain to my friends of my “disappearing acts.” I don’t bother explaining to myself, why explain to them? It’s a really annoying reason. It sounds—no, it is a selfish reason. I may hurt some friends with this thought but I just wanted to be honest.

I wish I could end this piece with the third line from the song: “It seemed different, yet exactly the same.” I wish I could go to the other side for a moment and compare and claim the right to say that. But nah. I’m guessing that it’s not happening any moment soon.

But frankly speaking?

I think the other me is resurfacing. And I shall be marking my calendar when it finally happens.

 

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8 Comments »

  1. Tones Said:

    uuuy… nagdadalaga na si Mich. =P

  2. Tha Game Said:

    crush kita mich!!! =p

  3. i think this just proves that yeah, i am ALWAYS one year ahead of you. At least you know where you’re headed. No, wait. That isn’t such a comforting thought after all…..

  4. Mitch Said:

    @ denice:

    yeah, it’s funny. I remember that day when we were talking in your room. You are ALWAYS ahead of me hehe. 😛 So I’m guessing you know how miserable I feel right now. 😛

  5. Cholo Said:

    It is an idea that fills me with hope of one day seeing you and having an excuse to approach and talk to you. As in: “Miss, pasindi naman o.” But my stupid musings (and possibly your not so stupid ones) are in no way more important than the fact the world needs you for about 60 to 70 years more. Maybe after that time it would manage without you–not likely though.

  6. - KV - Said:

    I miss our yosi breaks 😦

  7. james Said:

    it’s “someone just told me the grass is much greener on the other side” mich. just keeping your lyrics in check, hehe..

  8. Michiko Said:

    Lol. Thanks “James”. =)


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